Thursday, 20 February 2014

The reason I haven't been posting much...

Hello all my regular and new readers. It's been a while... I am extremely sorry for the lack of posts since this new year started. I have been through a lot recently. I'm writing today to explain myself a bit, as I do feel very guilty for the lack of posts, as I used to post so often and I did really enjoy writing my posts and creating my recipes. So here is why I haven't been posting much lately:

One small reason is to do with the ridiculous amount of stress college is causing me. I'm falling seriously behind with college work, mainly due to the other reason... Which is something very personal and I don't want to go into it too much online but as a result of it I've been on daily medication since August 2013.

I found since taking them I felt a bit better about myself, BUT any will power and motivation I once had towards food, calorie counting, cooking from scratch and exercise vanished completely. It didn't bother me to begin with, but my weight has been creeping up and up and up over the last few months. Even with aims, goals and new years resolutions which I put in place for myself to try and get myself back on track, they didn't seem to help. I'd eat when I was hungry and even when I wasn't hungry, simply because I just fancied eating or felt a craving for something in particular. It wouldn't matter so much if the food I was eating was fruit or vegetables, but it wasn't. It was ALWAYS things like cake, pastries, chocolate, takeaways, etc. etc. And I rarely felt any guilt for eating it... I would just sit and eat as much as I physically could until I felt like I was going to be sick. I could not turn any food down, which before I could. Since September I have gained about 1 stone. My clothes are getting too tight and even though it was upsetting me I still couldn't stop myself.

So as of last week, I made a BIG personal decision (without the aid of my GP, which I probably shouldn't of done... but oh well) - I stopped taking my medication completely. I probably should have cut down the dose before stopping altogether, but I just couldn't wait for that. It was something I felt I had to do, as I can't deal with the thought of being fat again. You can all say what you want about that comment, but that's how I feel. After losing almost 4 stone in weight, selling/donating all of your old, bigger clothes and spending hundreds on a new, smaller wardrobe, the last thing you want to do is gain weight again. So, since coming off the medication I have found I've lost my appetite a little (which has helped slightly), I have gained a bit more will power again, I feel constantly dizzy and nauseous AND I have lost 2.75 lbs in a week. Although I despise feeling dizzy 24/7 (even when I'm sat or led down), starting to lose weight again makes it worth it. I will be seeing my doctor some time this week, but for now I will be staying off of my medication. I will only go back on medication if my GP offers me an alternative. So yeah, now I feel I can work towards my personal weight loss goals (even though I only have 9 days until my birthday party, so I have kind of buggered up that goal, but as long as I can fit in my outfit, it's okay).

Right now, I weigh 9 stone 7.75 lbs and have kept below my calorie allowance on MyFitnessPal so far today. I've also booked a place on a Pole Fitness class at the gym tonight, so I'm feeling a little more positive and back on track. 

So, if you were wondering why I haven't been posting, that is why and I am really sorry. Soon I hope to get my motivation back to start posting more regularly and to start cooking from scratch again so I can start posting recipes again instead of apologies for the lack of posts... Lots of love to all my readers. <3 I hope this post doesn't make any of you think any less of me - it has been really hard for me to post this publicly.

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